Helpless

Let me share my day with you...

As a husband and a father, I pride myself on trying to be a source of strength that my family can rely on. With that being said, nothing quite prepares you for when something happens to one of your loved ones that is completely beyond your capability to fix. There is nothing that makes me feel more helpless than seeing my wife or my daughter sick or hurting.

Today was a beautiful summer day in Phoenix. Hot - as always - but not completely unbearable like a lot of summer days here. It was Friday, my work day was almost over and I was gearing up for the weekend. Nothing special planned, just a relaxing weekend with the family. My normal work schedule is 7-4 and Ashley's is 7:30-4 and since my office is on the way to hers, we normally carpool. At 3:18, Ash called to let me know that she was leaving work a little early because she wasn't feeling well. She said she was feeling nauseous, short of breath, and had a really bad headache. This had me a little worried, but not overly concerned. She was going to drive to my office & then wait in the car for me to get off of work. I told her to please be careful driving & that I'd see her in a little bit. The next call I received flipped my world upside down for a while.

Ashley called me at 3:37 when she got to my office to ask me if I could leave now. At that point I knew something was seriously wrong because I know that leaving work early - even 20 minutes - is not something that my wife would ask me to do. She told me that she was now having tingling in her arms, hands, and face and sounded a bit panicked. Luckily I work only a couple of minutes from Chandler Regional Hospital and had already determined that we were going to be taking a trip to the ER before I even ended the call. When I got in the car she was visibly upset and scared, at which point it took everything within me to try to help calm her nerves a bit while all the worst thoughts were going through my head. Over the course of the next few hours I sat there helplessly as doctors, nurses, and technicians poked, prodded, and radiated the love of my life. All I could do was inform her parents and my parents what was going on, call our daycare provider to let her know that we were going to be a bit late picking up Ellie, and post on facebook to inform friends and ask for prayers.

In those couple of hours before we knew the outcome, everything that could have been wrong went through my head. Was it a cardiac problem? An anxiety attack? A brain tumor? Spider bite? I'm pretty sure no scenario was too wild for my imagination to come up with. Thankfully, the only thing that was wrong was that her potassium level was low and everything else checked out normal.

At some point through this ordeal the thought occurred to me, "What if it really was something serious? What would I do? Is this something I could handle?" It was right then that I remembered Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I then realized that it didn't really matter what was wrong, I would be able to handle it if I just let God take the burden. My strength and reliability as a husband and a father doesn't come from me, but from the Spirit of God that lives within me and gives me strength.

Thank you Lord for allowing my wife to be ok and for teaching me a lesson through this experience!